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Monday, May 26th, 2014 12:22 am

Lately, I've only posted (when I've posted at all) to complain. And really, that's grossly unfair of me and not an accurate representation of how things generally are. I mean... It's true that I am generally overwhelmed, and that my depression and anxiety are barely under control, and those factors color my perception of everything. But there are so many reasons and situations for finding joy... Peace... Happiness.

Elizabeth is nearly eight years old. She is utterly fascinating to me in every way. I simply adore her. She is a wonderful student and a voracious reader. She will try almost anything. She has become particularly adventurous with food, she loves to travel, and she loves to write and draw. Her teacher describes her as a leader without being bossy. She loves Girl Scouts, and I love being her leader. She enjoys her dance classes and works hard at them, and has made significant progress despite not being a natural at it. She is eagerly looking forward to the start of her baseball season. She's about 50" tall now. Her hair falls almost to her waist, and though she usually wears it in two braids, it is so lovely when it's down. She made her first communion last weekend and addressed the entire congregation with such poise and grace that I barely recognized her. I wish I could capture this moment in time with her and save it forever; she is so perfectly centered between being "little" and "big."

Jacob is five, and last Thursday was his last day of preschool. In a few months I will have a kindergartener again!! Four was hard for Jake, but I can see him pulling out of it. He still REALLY wants his way, but his tantrums and outbursts are getting a little less regular. He loves being with Dan, and especially loves to play video games with him. Skylanders is his favorite. He plays soccer but mostly likes it because his friends are there. He just started t-ball and is so excited about it! We are together nearly all the time and I am going to miss him so much when he's in school all day next year. Jacob is, quite simply, the most sensitive part of my heart walking around outside my body.

I'm just about done being president of Triangle and I'm so relieved. I'm not sorry I did it, but I won't miss it. I will miss seeing all of our preschool friends regularly, though. I can't believe it's over already.

Girl scouts is really getting fun. We had our first overnight last weekend and it was a huge success. We spent the night at the Leslie Science and Nature Center, and earned both the Hiker and Letterboxer badges. We had a great time and the girls behaved so well! 16 out of 19 girls came on the trip. 14 out of 19 are signed up for troop camp this summer and I'm so excited to take them!

My mom is retiring! I'm so happy for her and so happy to have extra time with her, and for her to have more energy for the kids. My dad is still so sick. His congestive heart failure is seemingly irreversible at this point. Water pills keep it mostly under control but he has very little stamina. It's so hard to watch him struggle with things like walking into a restaurant, or going up three or four steps. I am grateful for every moment we have together. He bought front row tickets for himself, my mom, and the kids for the circus in November and you'd think he was the five year old, he's so excited. My fingers are crossed that it's not too much for him.

My sweet niece Veronica is two now, and smart as a whip. She especially loves Jacob, and he is so good with her! My new nephew Benjamin is four months old and perfect for snuggling. I am so lucky to be their auntie! I'm really excited too because my favorite cousin is expecting twins in September and I am just so thrilled for her.

Dan is patient, kind, and loving in just about every way. I am blessed beyond measure to be his partner. If nothing else, there is always always that.

There is so much to be thankful for. That's what I remind myself when darker thoughts threaten to consume me. And they do, more than I care to admit. But I'm learning to deal with it, slowly.

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Tuesday, May 27th, 2014 06:05 am (UTC)
What a lovely entry! I mostly feel like writing when I'm down, too, which is a big reason why I don't write much. It's nice to see a snapshot of what is going on in your life and with your kids. I can't believe how big all of our kids are already. Nuts.

I'm sorry about your dad. That must be really tough. Glad your mom is retiring, too! <3
Wednesday, May 28th, 2014 08:04 pm (UTC)

you're amazing. Thanks for letting me read this today.